Blue Jay on Red

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Pastels on watercolour background.

I tried out a natural sponge on the watercolour for effect. Mainly used Mungyo pastels for the under painting and saved the pricey pastels for detail on top. I don’t do a lot of bright colour but couldn’t resist a photo a friend sent me.

I increased my PTSD meds this week and it requires adjustment …. I was dark, sullen, sleepy and full of hatred and no patience. It’s only for about 2 or so weeks and then you come out of it and start thinking clearer and feeling better. I’ve had buddies of mine who quit after a week, I wish they would have hung on.

I was very affected by the many suicides of CF soldiers recently and my mood didn’t help. I felt such empathy for them, I knew exactly how they felt. And I know there are many more who get out suddenly and then lose the battle and we have no stats on them.

But I have started to come out of it and am much better. You have to give these meds a chance, they are not instant fixes.

It’s not fun to go through this . Although this condition happened while in service, I don’t feel the CF owes me anything other than a smoother transition out. I am very grateful for the training I received and the great experiences I had.

I didn’t have a glowing career, but I now have a great skill set that is very much in demand. I need a little help in resume prep or recommendations, but I stand on my own merits. I am a good employee who works hard and has unparalleled experience in web design, graphics, social media and communications. When I tell others what I have accomplished, they are astonished, but we in the military think nothing of it. When a General looks at me and says, Can you get that to me in 20 minutes? It never occurs to me that I could refuse it or make an excuse. We in the military get er done, and that makes us fantastic employees.

And not to be negative, but the truth is many slack asses and bullies stay in the military because they know no one would hire them!

So yes, I have PTSD and I am being forced out by the very people who made me this way, but I will survive and I will be much happier in a place that respects me and my skill set. A better year next year…

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