Duck, Rembrandt pastels on prepared paper
I am in a deep depression and decided to push myself to do something, so I started painting again. Usually I feel guilty about painting, and lately I have lost confidence in my ability to create anything. But I think I am trying to be too ambitious so I started scaling back to less background and more animal.
But it is working, I am slowly coming out of this depression. I watched a video of Jackie Robinson and noatter how much intimidation he endured, he kept his focus on the game and that’s why he was so good.
So I had a lot of doubts about these last projects but kept at it. What’s important is that I like them. I like the uncluttered backgrounds too. Backgrounds tend to make me stressed and I find them distracting unless it’s just one feature, like 1 tree or a full mountain range.
I need to find a job and repair my self esteem from the latest round of intimidation tactics from my unit. I just don’t want to be one of those bitter Veterans. But right now I don’t feel any honour towards the Canadian Forces, but I know that will change . A few goons don’t defy all of the CF members, and I have met and worked for some of the best. I just need to distance myself from them and not allow them to define myself. The truth is, they treat all ill and injured this way, I’ve seen it myself, they seem to enjoy the challenge of being the goons of the CF and pushing around people who can’t fight back. But I have already proven that if you stick to what you know is right and gain support, they will back down.
But you have to be willing to stand up to them even when they try to use intimidation tactics. Fortunately, although units believe they have supreme powers, they are not the highest power in the land. Even though you are a member if the CAF, you are still a Cdn citizen and have government representatives in each riding who are willing to help.
And keep a baseball bat handy too 🙂