Last Fawn of 2014

Last fawn of 2014, pastel on Canson Mi-tients paper

I’ve had non stop migraines for weeks and can’t do anything. I started this but a migraine started and it had to wait for 2 days to finish.

Renewing compensation from the military has me worn out, next year will be my last in the military. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about betrayal. Every time I see it, in any way, I am brought back to the betrayal by my chain of command towards me. Three years of dedicated, hard work meant nothing. One person wanted to get rid of me and they believed his lies about me. I could feel it when I was there, the walls went up and I was left to watch every step I made.

I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this total betrayal. Canada is so ready to support soldiers… As long as they served in Afghanistan. And yet I know dozens of soldiers who received their worst wounds from a system that promotes harassment, domination at any cost and insecure and unstable “leaders”. We are the broken in spirit you might say, we so believed in the Forces, we put our own needs aside. And when we knew we were at the mercy of a manipulative and calculating supervisor, suddenly we saw “leaders” close ranks and protect their own.

In my case, I went to the next chain in command three times about the abusive behaviour towards me and how it was affecting my health. And yet, this same person wrote on the Investigator Report that he had no knowledge of the behaviour. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of someone purposely pointing out how stupid they are, but it certainly demonstrates how easily his testimony was unquestionably accepted. I don’t have recordings of our conversations, but I do have email proofs that I met with him on three occasions to discuss this issue.

Fourteen years of service for nothing. And I would still lay my life down for any Canadian. That will never leave me.

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