Baby Moose

Baby Moose, prismacolour pencils on Fabriano Bristol 

I haven’t been able to paint or draw since last summer almost 6 months ago. I can’t tell you why or the reasons I just don’t know. I started probably 10 paining since then and stopped and couldn’t finish them. I hate painting.

 I tried oils again but too much work and I just didn’t have the energy to gather all the materials and paint. I missed being precise and blending.

I attended a Veterans retreat and decided to do an art journal of it. I had some coloured pencils from Chris McCullough and just played with them on the paper whatever I wanted to draw. I actually like doing this there was no pressure on me and I could sit in bed and do it.

I will be releasing medically from the Canadian forces in about three weeks. It’s a horrible process to go through. My expectation was that I would work hard in the Canadian forces and apply for civilian jobs and eventually get one and retire from the Canadian forces and move onto a good job. 

But it didn’t happen that way. Instead I got an insecure bastard of a boss who made my life a living hell for year. Workplace bullying harassment whatever you want to call it it was awful. Eventually I had a complete breakdown. Now two years later I am medically releasing from the Canadian forces. And I’m not the same person I was before. Mentally and physically I’m a broken person and I’ve tried and tried to fight my way back. 

So it all ends in three weeks from now. There will certainly not be a depart with dignity ceremony for me. I have a mountain of paperwork to do it’s all confusing and very hard for me. So last week I decided I was going to pay myself a treat and I bought an entire set of polychromos pencil crayons. They’re very expensive but they can’t be more expensive than medication! 

I really love them and I have been back to the drawing and painting, whatever you want to call it. They are a world of difference from the prisma colours and I’ll never go back again. They are oil-based and last really well and work really well on paper. 

For the first time in a long time I feel a little bit better thanks to art. Heart therapy Israel and I don’t even care what I paint anymore I just paint whenever I feel. 

I started with a baby moose. Every time I use those pencils I learn something new about them. I use a prismacolour blender or Taltine odorless solvent to blend the colours.