Baby Moose

  
Baby Moose, prismacolour pencils on Fabriano Bristol 

I haven’t been able to paint or draw since last summer almost 6 months ago. I can’t tell you why or the reasons I just don’t know. I started probably 10 paining since then and stopped and couldn’t finish them. I hate painting.

 I tried oils again but too much work and I just didn’t have the energy to gather all the materials and paint. I missed being precise and blending.

I attended a Veterans retreat and decided to do an art journal of it. I had some coloured pencils from Chris McCullough and just played with them on the paper whatever I wanted to draw. I actually like doing this there was no pressure on me and I could sit in bed and do it.

I will be releasing medically from the Canadian forces in about three weeks. It’s a horrible process to go through. My expectation was that I would work hard in the Canadian forces and apply for civilian jobs and eventually get one and retire from the Canadian forces and move onto a good job. 

But it didn’t happen that way. Instead I got an insecure bastard of a boss who made my life a living hell for year. Workplace bullying harassment whatever you want to call it it was awful. Eventually I had a complete breakdown. Now two years later I am medically releasing from the Canadian forces. And I’m not the same person I was before. Mentally and physically I’m a broken person and I’ve tried and tried to fight my way back. 

So it all ends in three weeks from now. There will certainly not be a depart with dignity ceremony for me. I have a mountain of paperwork to do it’s all confusing and very hard for me. So last week I decided I was going to pay myself a treat and I bought an entire set of polychromos pencil crayons. They’re very expensive but they can’t be more expensive than medication! 

I really love them and I have been back to the drawing and painting, whatever you want to call it. They are a world of difference from the prisma colours and I’ll never go back again. They are oil-based and last really well and work really well on paper. 

For the first time in a long time I feel a little bit better thanks to art. Heart therapy Israel and I don’t even care what I paint anymore I just paint whenever I feel. 

I started with a baby moose. Every time I use those pencils I learn something new about them. I use a prismacolour blender or Taltine odorless solvent to blend the colours. 

Advertisements

All cleaned up!

  
All Cleaned Up! Rembrandt pastels on Canson Mi-tients

I did this for a community benefit. They are having a silent auction for a woman from back home in New Brunswick, her older son was severely injured in an ATV accident. Hope this brings them some $$$!!!

Angels among us

  
Angels Among Us, charcoal & Schminke soft pastels on Strathmore Charcoal paper

This started just as a charcoal sketch. I used General charcoals. It just looked so plain and I wanted to try something different. I was going to go with orange, but blue just seemed to work. So I combined it a bit. 

The charcoal paper isn’t great, but it was just a quick test and is to when I like it.

I’m very restless tonight. I’m dealing with the military again this time trying to renew my compensation. It is never an easy smooth process. There’s always roadblocks and difficulties. Signatures need to be signed and the person is not there and no one else to fill in for them sometimes it takes more than a month to get an appointment when you need a signature. In the meantime I’ll have to live probably three weeks without any pay coming in. 

They tell you that you can’t have a part-time job while you’re on compensation but I don’t see how anybody can survive without it. And you can’t reported because if you do it only delays the process even more. I’m going to have to find a part-time job to make up for those three weeks because I can’t live without a pay cheque. 

Just doing this small art project seem to call me down a little bit and worked. It’s  not the greatest art in the world but I see where art becomes a calming factor in people and helps overcome depression and anxiety even for just a short break.

No paintings today

Or I should say no sharing photos today. I did a portrait last night, but I,m not happy with it.

To be honest, I look at some artists of wildlife and wish I was as inspired and unique as them. I wish my backgrounds were fresh, interesting and lively as theirs. Why can’t I wake up one day, discover a new style and just run with it and become a real artist? 

I’m in a bit of a slump… Totally my own fault. I keep painting, but it looks dull and lifeless to me. What’s missing? Innovation? 

I love painting animals but they don’t reflect what’s in my head. I want the wow factor. 

I realize I’m only 3 years into art, but I was hoping I would find my style. Not today. Not yet.

I went to a recent art exhibit of about 30 artists… Not one portrait and no moose! I guess people just don’t want what I want.

Just not happy lately, but I’m not giving up. 

Giant Bubbles

Giant Bubbles

Giant Bubbles, Soft Pastels on Canson paper, 12 x 16

This is another fun painting I did just to see if I could do it. I didn’t know how to achieve the hair highlights, I just sort of blended them together. Unfortunate choice of background though, would have been better white, but oh well, just for fun!