This is my serious face

 

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This is my serious face, Gouache on Canson Canvas paper, 12 x 16 inches

I have been experimenting with painting with brushes lately instead of pencil crayons and pastel crayons.

I started with acrylics but to be honest I don’t really like them. And then I tried to wash and I really love them. I think it’s because they dry very quickly and give beautiful matte colours. It just seems to be the right medium for me. I use Holbein gouache and stick to limited palette: Raw Sienna, Burnt Umber, Ultramarine Blue and Alizarin Crimson. I added a watercolour Paynes Grey because Holbein doesn’t make a gouache in it.

I have been really struggling mentally lately. Facing some big financial problems, missed 2 house payments. Still waiting for my Veterans claim, but found out today a buddy of mine waited 18 months. It’s been over 6 months wait for me. Awful to make people with mental disorders and depression wait so long.

I think it’s time I write my story down as if it was a news article because I need to get it out. I realize there’s no justice in this world but when you’re destitute, it hurts to know people who did this to you got away with it. Trying to count my blessings but it’s hard just to get out of bed.

via PressSync

Fearless

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Fearless, mixed media on Canson Canvas paper

A new style for me that I am trying out.

I basically took some canvas paper and did a quick sketch of the horses mouth and body and then just added tones and values. A new style for me that I am trying out. I basically just took some canvas paper and did a quick sketch of the horses mouth and body and then just added acrylic paint.

I’ve never had success with acrylic paint I just never liked it so I thought I would give it a try but I just couldn’t get the detail that I wanted so I ended up adding coloured pencil, pastel pencil and pastels to it so in other words it’s a mixed media.

Because of all the encouragement I thought from the other participants in the musical ride program I just decided I am an artist and I’m just going to have at it and just paint on the canvas.

I have to say that this is one painting that I actually love. I can’t say that about any of my other paintings are use me just do them and throw them on the side.

This one made me feel like a real artist and that I am much freer and looser which is what I’ve always wanted but with enough detail to make me happy.

I was in the army the last six months I couldn’t paint anything, I couldn’t finish anything really. I’m so glad that I had the courage to start up again but it’s because of encouragement from other veterans and soldiers like me.   They believed in me and they told me to keep at it even when I couldn’t see it and I didn’t see any point of painting.

it feels like a whole world opened up.

 

Straight to Auction

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Straight to Auction, Polychromos CP on Fabriano Hotpress WC paper

This is one of the foals from the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Musical Ride horses, born recently at their breeding farm. Because the only colour accepted in the ride is black or dark liver, this filly will be automatically sold at auction, priced from $8000 plus. They are a thoroughbred, Hanoverian mix, and are some of the most sought after horses in the world.

I recently got to visit the farm and take part in training with the RCMP Musical Ride as part of the Soldier On physical therapy programme for Canadian Veterans. It was a great experience and met some wonderful serving and released members who all struggle with issues and we manage to find a common ground. We support each other and brought a lot of positive energy into this world.

 

Evasive Maneuvers

 

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Evasive Maneuvers , Polychromos CP and Rembrant pastels on Fabriano WC hot press

I decided to go with an ethereal look for this. It’s time for me to stop practicing and do some real artwork for a change!

I combined many mediums for this, I did the background in pastels, as well as the highlights (yellows). I did the detail in CP but I wasn’t happy with it. Maybe I miss my pastels too much 🙂

I think I will reproduce this with pastels only.

I will be attending a trade convention this week, it has been a source of panic for me for the last week. Real panic, as in panic attack. I find myself telling myself I don’t want to be around people, all they are, are hurtful and I just can’t deal with comments and criticism right now.

I have been out of the military for about three weeks now and I had a trigger this week that put me right back into the toxic workplace I was in my last posting. I was surprised that it was me so much. Panic, crying just not able to handle anything, wanting to run away it all came back.harassment and bullying do so much damage to the human mind. Add military structure into that and it’s devastating.

I haven’t heard from SISIP so I am going ahead and just trying to find whatever job I can but it’s very stressful.

I did get a small severance pay and that there was an ad on Kijiji for a fifth wheel trailer that day that I could afford. It’s older and smaller than what I wanted but I could get it so I went to see it. it was in perfect condition and I bought it on the spot.

They delivered it to my house yesterday and my husband is cleaning it up. I’m going to be doing the decor and it’s going to be my little recluse and get away from everything. I also feel safe now because I am afraid of being homeless and this means I will always have a home. In a few months we will be looking for a pick up to buy and then we can go places or just move it.

 

Angels among us

  
Angels Among Us, charcoal & Schminke soft pastels on Strathmore Charcoal paper

This started just as a charcoal sketch. I used General charcoals. It just looked so plain and I wanted to try something different. I was going to go with orange, but blue just seemed to work. So I combined it a bit. 

The charcoal paper isn’t great, but it was just a quick test and is to when I like it.

I’m very restless tonight. I’m dealing with the military again this time trying to renew my compensation. It is never an easy smooth process. There’s always roadblocks and difficulties. Signatures need to be signed and the person is not there and no one else to fill in for them sometimes it takes more than a month to get an appointment when you need a signature. In the meantime I’ll have to live probably three weeks without any pay coming in. 

They tell you that you can’t have a part-time job while you’re on compensation but I don’t see how anybody can survive without it. And you can’t reported because if you do it only delays the process even more. I’m going to have to find a part-time job to make up for those three weeks because I can’t live without a pay cheque. 

Just doing this small art project seem to call me down a little bit and worked. It’s  not the greatest art in the world but I see where art becomes a calming factor in people and helps overcome depression and anxiety even for just a short break.

Diesel #3

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Diesel and his Veteran, Rembrandt pastels on MT Touch

I woke up one morning and just knew I had to paint this one. I am very happy with the results, mainly the dog. I am not good at doing humans, but I think the main focus should be the alert dog and I think it comes across. The background was just me trying different effects and finally settling on the one here.

I know that for the rest of my life I will support Veteran’s programs and the good people who run these non profit organizations that are life saving and so important to Canadian Veterans. No one understands Veterans like our fellow Vets and the hell we go through if that includes PTSD. I think these organizations succeed because the Veterans who work there are carrying on the camaraderie and brother and sisterhood that we are all trained to develop. This somehow gets lost in the Department of National Defence and Veterans Affairs, mainly because they are staffed by people who often mean well, but can’t really understand us. I feel privileged to be counted among the Veterans of this country and I stay in close contact with buddies and those in need of my listening ear.